On Space

I observed a woman lean over a school boy today, in order to get a better glimpse at the subway map situated above his head. He was uncomfortable, naturally. She was intruding his personal space. I could identify with him, since I have been in his position several times, but what is personal space anyway? Do people intrude into our personal space becaue they occupy the space in front of us, or are there other reasons that prompt this discomfort? I have observed people involved in conversations, while others read maps above their heads and they seemed unphased. Isn't the difference then in awareness, or self-awareness? I think it's not about the other person crossing a barrier that naturally exists, but rather a barrier that we create on our own.

Return to the Quest

Love. It has steered me back to the quest for simplicity, more than a year after my Thoreau class concluded. The yearning for a less complex life is still there and love is a possible avenue to this goal - this I firmly believe. Ironically, I also percieve love as the end goal in this quest: A love that is pure and stripped of any superfulous influences - a love that simply exists within in its own realm and is entirely defined by itself. Perhaps that's what I am reaching out to be: a person defined strictly by myself, existing in my purest and simplest form. It's an idea that is completely abstract, since I and all others cannot avoid being complex, given the external influences that constantly morph to define our stance to ourselves and our environment. Nevertheless, it's a journey I am willing to embark on again, with a slightly different approach. I have returned.

Closed for Rehabilitation

I'm on a brief hiatus, waiting for the world to catch up with me.

Territorial Begging on the subway

Last night, I witnessed quite a funny scene on the subway. A woman, probably in her late 40s, fitting the typical beggar profile walked into our car and told a sad, languishing story about her unemployment check not arriving on time. (That's not the funny part, of course.) I listened sharply, and tried to separate the lies from the truth, but my eyes were more perceptive to the truth than my ears. Her arms were scarred with track marks.

Finally, she went to the next car and a man sitting next to me shook his head in disapproval as another beggar entered. She looked even more disshoveled and told her story, evoking absolutely no emotions from me. I turned away from her disinterested. Before she could finish her rounds, holding her cup up to people's noses, yet another beggar entered the car and chaos errupted.

He was an older man, late 40s as well, and he exclaimed, "Aww shit!" when he saw the woman in the car. She in turn walked up to him and asked what he was doing in the car, "This is my route!" she yelled. "Don't 'effing' yell at me", he said. I turned to her awaiting a response. She was quiet for a few seconds and then motioned to strike him. He moved back and they were yelling back and forth for about two minutes. I was afraid it would escalate into something more serious and violent, yet at the same time I couldn't stop giggling about how ironic and ridiculous the whole situation was. Eventually, she drove him out of the car, and he left the train at the next stop.

She Was an Act

She was an Act,
A beautiful girl, that everyone loved
So she played along
And sang her song
A beautiful melody
Melancholic and sweet.

She charmed the masses by Night
And wandered the hollow streets by Day
Hoping for the Autumn winds
To whisper to her
That she too could love
Before the Winter arrived
And her tears came from a darkened place

She was an Act
Unable to love
So she walked, walked, waited
And watched the world pass by

On The Body: Week 1 Results

I behaved very well over the past week, and didn't overindulge in food even once. I even cut down my daily cookie consumption from three/four cookies a day to two. In a larger picture, however, I do not feel healthier. I think it is taking my mind a while to adjust to these minor changes. As of now, they don't seem to have a significant impact on my body and so I attach very little value to these changes. In addition, my shoulder feels burdened with stress, as the last day of the summer semester is approaching. I will try to find a way to relive myself of this discomfort within the coming days.

On the Mind

My latest mind puzzle evolves around the idea of loving without an object. I derived this idea from Thoreau, of course, given that he's been slowly penetrating my thoughts - and his writings inspired me in turn to begin this journey.

Initially, I couldn't wrap my brain around this concept, although I don't think of myself as someone who can love, only with a goal in mind. I don't even think of myself as a loving person, living in the world that we do now. Not only is the word overused, but certain New Yorkers cannot think, act on, or feel love without the confines of time or quantity. I think once we grasp the idea of a timeless meaning in our lives, we can work towards eliminating the act of quantifying love, and truly realize the potential of loving. But as it is with all true states of being, it is not simply realized and will never be achieved.

The Week in Summary

I would rate last week as one of the better weeks I have had in a while. Despite the rain last Thursday, the weekend was surprisingly entertaining and I think I've made some progress towards my journey.

After an early day at work on Friday, I took a trip to the Visual Gallery to see "Postpartum" and take a glance at Margot Herster's pictures. I met her a few months ago, when she had begun working on the particular project that was being exhibited - so I dropped by to find not only her great photographs, but also other installations which tickled my imagination.

On Saturday, while standing at the bus stop, I got into a conversation with a young man from Barbados. We talked about a variety of things, but among all the mumbling he said something that stuck in my head the remainder of the day: "We do not appreciate enough, what our parents do for us." - more on that in the future.

And finally, on Sunday I got carried away with socializing (which can be a good thing at times), but I am now feeling the effects of it. More on that later, as well. Happy Tuesday!